Fiddler on the Roof

Holy Cow

(Some priceless contemplative gems from my friend: Abhi...)

The reason I send you this mail is due to a holy cow. I must have told
you that I've shifted residence a few days back. Now with a view not to
lose contact with ground realities (even though I stay on the seventh
floor which incidentally is very close to heaven), I sincerely walk down
to the bus stand every morning (around eight mins walk), then wait for
the bus and then board a bus that takes me to office. Now this holy cow
is at the bus stand.

Every morning whenever I reach the bus stand, I find this holy cow tied
to a tree. A lady stands vigil (?) with a basket of wild grass (or
something similar). Now the area abound with people who've ample money to
spend...so perforce they're inclined to take to something called 'god'.
Now being wealthy, they also have ample time to take care of their
health (or at least to show that they take care of their health). So all
these people indulge in some kind of weird activities (read jumping on
one feet, laughing with eyes closed or laughing with hands up....see
there can be no substitute to natural laugh which incidentally is my forte)
right in the morning in order to prolong their lives. Once they're
through with their life prolonging physical activities, they indulge
themselves in their life prolonging spiritual activities. This is where this
holy cow comes handy and I do admire her owner's (the lady I referred
to) business acumen.

Now each of one these devotees come over to this cow and carries out
the following activities:
1. Touch the cow's ass with the right hand and then apply it on one's
forehead.
2. Touch the cow's belly with the right hand and then apply it on one's
forehead.
3. Touch the cow's head with the right hand and then apply it on one's
forehead.
4. Touch the cow's horns (she's got a lovely pair) with the right hand
and then apply it on one's forehead.
5. Touch the cow's tail with the right hand and then apply it on one's
forehead.

All five actions listed above need not be unique..I mean people can
touch all portions or a combination of them or either one of them....I
believe it all depends in what sort of religious fervour they're in when
they approach the cow.....

I also wonder at times as to what would happen if someone's a
lefty...does the ritual books prescribe that you'll be religious only if you use
your right hand? Or is it that the share of divinity falls down a bit?

Now once they're through with attaining some piousness or divinity by
touching, they indulge in offering something to their holy cow. It's a
give and take relationship, after all. See these days worshipping too is
conditional and is driven by motives. Jemon..jitle jora pantha boli
debo..types. So these people buy that wild grass (in Bombay, you don't get
soft green grass) from the lady and hold it on front of the cow's
mouth. Now that cow hardly takes anything in...it must have been completely
fed up with the same old wild grass that appears to be without any
juice. It must have been too frustrated by now....I don't think it
understands as to why so many people come around him and do all sorts of
mimicry. Now the cow stands still gently wagging it's tail...and the look on
the people's faces whosoever are offering those dreadful grass is one
of sheer desperation. After all god is refusing to eat from their
hands...is god displeased with them? Most depart with that forlorn look on
their faces...with an intention to do something to please the holy cow
the next day. They don't realise that similar to human beings, the cow
also needs variety in their daily meals.

Some however do seem to understand that. So a few offer vada pav..some
offer chapatis..and some offer laddus. The holy one relishes those
stuff...and you must see the smile of these people. God is so pleased with
them....Today I found a lady taking quite a few rounds around that
cow...and after each round she used to catch hold of the cow's tail (much
to the cow's dissatisfaction) and rub it on her forehead. This was
soemthing new. As & when I come accross a variant, I'll send you an update.